


Just Leave the Chemical Freak Alone

by orphan_account



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Cutting, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Self Confidence Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-11
Updated: 2014-02-27
Packaged: 2017-12-26 06:22:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/962630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"And he just so happens to be better at Chemistry than you, Mr. Toro"<br/>ON HIATUS Sorry :(</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Walk in Early, Next Time Leave Early

Mikey watches in fascination as the test tube begins to overflow with foam and bubbles. He glances at the open textbook off to the side, and then carefully lowers the temperature on the burner underneath it in accordance with the reaction. After pushing his glasses further up his nose, he writes down his observations in the red notebook, the page already marked with procedures and observations and measurements. He pulls out his phone and snaps a picture of the test tube, thinking that maybe later Gerard could sketch it for him in his notebook.

He flips through the book some more; making sure that his experiment was designed perfectly. It is though. Mikey has always has a natural aptitude for science, for whatever reason. Maybe he could be proud of it if science were cool, and not considered nerdy and stupid and boring and insert more negative adjectives here, please. Why couldn’t he be good at art like Gerard? But then again, Gerard was always called gay for that. That in the fact that he did have a boyfriend anyway. Suddenly, Mikey is jerked out of his reverie by the bell that indicates the start of first period.

Great.

Mikey really does not want to be in the classroom when the seniors start coming in, after all, he IS only a sophomore. A really nerdy sophomore who likes to come in to school early so he could play around with the chemicals the teacher gave him access to because he is so smart. This was probably the only thing he had going for him, anyway. Being smart. Other than that, Mikey doesn’t that he’s anything special. No, Mikey knows that he isn’t anything special.

Mikey Way is just a nerdy little sophomore, the less cool Way. He hides behind thick glasses because his vision sucks. He always wears a beanie because his mousy brown hair never looks good no matter how he does it, and believe me, he’s tried. He always wears skinny jeans, converse, and band t-shirts because he’s convinced he doesn’t look good in anything else. And he always wears a thin black hoodie to cover up the scars and cuts on his arms. No one needs to see those. No one needs to know about them. No one would care, anyway.

He had lucked out this year; he had study hall in the library first period, which means that he can stay in the Chemistry classroom for as long as he wants in the morning as long as he stays at one of the desks in the back and doesn’t disturb Miss Denise’s senior class. She even leaves him a pass every day when he comes in, so he wouldn’t interrupt her as he leaves. He doesn’t usually stay longer than it takes him to clean up his experiments, he likes to be out of there as quickly as possible so he goes unnoticed by the seniors. One in particular, Mikey thought as he shoved his notebook in his backpack. Ray Toro.

Ray Toro is the complete opposite of someone like Mikey Way in every way, shape, and form. He’s a _senior_ , for one, and he’s _cool_. He always wears a leather jacket and his aviators, although he’s probably one of those people who could look good in anything ever. He’s tall, built, and had an awesome ‘fro. He’s _popular_ , and could usually be seen surrounded by a ton of friends and girls. He’s _confident_ , like he could take on the world. Mikey envies that the most. And just then, Ray walked into the classroom.

Mikey watches from behind the test tube as Ray throws himself down in a chair near the middle of the classroom and continue a conversation about guitars with Cortez. Apparently, Ray can fucking shred like no one else. Mikey vaguely wonders how well Ray can really play. He picks up the test tube and dumps it into the little sink and rinses it out, careful not to make any noise. He decides he’ll stay in the classroom a little longer, make sure his notes are accurate, maybe attempt a sketch of the test tube by looking at his phone, and then he’ll leave. Yeah, that would be great, actually. To work anonymously in the back of the classroom for a while, and listen to Miss Denise outline the finer points of AP Chemistry.

He’s never actually stayed before, so this might actually be really good for him. He can get a good look at how Chemistry class is, and what they do, and how they do it. Mikey could definitely use some ideas for another experiment. And it would be nice to learn from an actual teacher, and not just the textbook he was given and whatever he can find on Google. He’s too eager to even think about waiting for senior year.

He sinks back onto the lab stool and hides behind his backpack, quietly pulling out a pencil and turning to a new page in his notebook, careful to leave enough room for the rest of his experiment. Nothing interesting seems to be going on so far, in fact, Miss Denise is just sitting at her desk writing, while the class continues to talk. Mikey frowns. Maybe he should just go after all. But before he can consider changing his mind, Miss Denise stands up with a pile of papers.

She claps for attention. “Class!’ Immediately everyone gives Miss Denise their full attention. “I have your tests from last week graded and recorded. Remember, if you fail, I can always give you an extra credit lab to be completed after school.” While she says this, she walks around handing out the tests. Mikey gauges the students’ grades by their reaction to what they see. Some of them raise an eyebrow, grin, smirk, sigh, facepalm, and some even remain impassive, like they are either used to the grades they get or they just don’t care. Probably the latter. Mikey wonders what the test is about. Miss Denise starts speaking again. “Mr. Toro!”

Ray mumbles something incoherent and raises his head slightly. Cortez shakes his head and starts snickering, but stops as soon as Miss Denise raises an eyebrow at him, and then she continues.

“This is the fourth test that you have epically failed, Ray. What’s going on?”

Ray turns a dark red. “I guess Chem just isn’t my subject.”

Miss Denise sighs. “Well, you need to get your grade up, Ray. It’s either that or you don’t graduate.”  Mikey’s eyebrows shoot up at this development. What?! Ray isn’t good at chemistry?! He shakes his head. Ray doesn’t _need_ to be good at Chemistry. He probably has so much else going for him anyway. Not like him. Not like Mikey. And speaking of himself, he hears his name being called by Miss Denise.

“Mikey, isn’t it?” she asks, smiling. “Mikey Way?”

Mikey can feel his face growing hot. He peeks out from behind his bag to see –ack!- everyone staring. Right. At. Him.

He stutters. “Um- I- yeah?” People are smirking, others whispering. _Who is this kid?_

Miss Denise turns to Ray. “Ray, meet your new Chemistry tutor.

Mikey gapes.

Rap gapes. And then blurts out, “But he’s- he’s a sophomore!”

Miss Denise rolls her eyes. “Yes, he is. And he just so happens to be better at chemistry than you, Mr. Toro.” Ray’s eyebrows shoot up and his snaps around to look at Mikey, who is quietly having a seizure.

Miss Denise looks oddly satisfied. “Perfect! So, starting tomorrow, you two will come here every day after school. I think both of you will benefit!” _how?!_ “Ray, you will get your grade up, and Mikey, you will be able to learn more about Chemistry! This is perfect!”

Yea, Mikey thinks. Real fucking perfect.


	2. Fiascos Just Waiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey, you guys know Ray Toro, right? He’s in your grade?”

 

At the bell, Mikey walks out of the Chemistry classroom in a daze. How could this be happening? Why was _he_ of all people being asked to tutor _Ray Toro?_ This was just going to end badly for both of them. Ray would probably just look down on Mikey, seeing as he’s a sophomore and all, not to mention a very _geeky_ sophomore. That just wasn’t fair. Ray had already seemed plenty pissed off at just the _thought_ of being tutored by Mikey. Mikey wonders, _am I really that horrible?_ But he already knows the answer to that.

By the time homeroom comes around, Mikey has a pounding headache and is considering going down to the nurse and getting some aspirin or something. He just wants something to take his mind off this morning’s events. Pete Wentz collapses in the chair next to him and groans. “Duuuuude. You will not _believe_ the morning I’m having!”

Mikey gives a weak smile. “Try me.”

Pete gives him a withering look. “I failed my fourth English test this month! How am I supposed to explain to my teacher that I do not _need_ English because I am going to be a famous and totally sexy bass player?!”

Mikey smirks. “Try writing it in essay form.”

Pete glares at him. “Fuck you man, not all of us have our lives handed to us on a silver platter because we’re smart and pretty.” Mikey rolls his eyes. He knows that’s not true anyway.

Pete’s had a crush on him for who-knows-how-long and for –who-knows-why. Pete also happens to be Mikey’s best friend, but weirdly enough, it doesn’t make anything awkward. It’s probably because Pete and Mikey are always able to joke about it without anyone actually getting hurt.

“This better not be about you trying to get me to go out with you, Wentz. You know you’re my best friend anyway.” Pete fake pouts, and Mikey leans over and pats him reassuringly on the head. “Don’t worry about it, dude. And we’re still on to go to the music store Saturday, right?”

“Obviously!” Pete grins. “God knows we both are in desperate need of new bass strings, and I’ve been working on a riff.”

At this new information, all thoughts of Ray Toro-related fiascos vacate Mikey’s head, and he sits up and grins at Pete. “Yeah? Tell me about it.”

o-o-o-o-o 

Mikey only lives, like, twenty minutes away from the school if he walks, so that’s what he does. It’s really convenient for him, actually, since he likes going into the Chemistry lab so much. He goes there so often that the secretary knows to let him in, and the Chemistry lab is unlocked by the time he gets there. He also has plenty of time to walk around the school, so he knows it like he knows his own house.

Needless to say, this probably doesn’t help with his reputation.

Mikey walks home slowly today, idly kicking rocks that he sees on the sidewalk. It’s late October, so he pulls up his hood and ducks his head against the wind. Gerard probably drove himself and his boyfriend home today, and Mikey will know where to find them. 

When he gets home, he dumps his bag in his room, grabs a soda from the fridge, and heads down into the basement.

He walks in on Gerard and Frank laying on the bed, making out like they’re trying to eat each other’s _faces_. Seriously. Mikey does not need to see this right now.

He promptly slaps a hand over his eyes, backs out the door, and knocks, calling, “The two of you better be decent when I come in there!” then he waits five seconds and walks into Gerard’s room again. This time, to his relief, Gerard and Frank are just sitting next to each other, albeit holding hands, but whatever. He can tolerate that.

Mikey flops down on Gerard’s rug and throws a hand over his eyes dramatically. “If I have to walk in on the two of you sucking _face_ again, Gerard, I will soak your sketchbook in water, and Frank, I will spray paint your guitar with sparkles.”

Gerard looks horrified. Frank, however, just shrugs. “Who cares? I’d love a sparkly guitar. And now that idea’s gonna be in my head forever. Gerard!” Frank looks at his boyfriend with puppy eyes. Gerard looks pained. “Buy me a sparkly guitar!” Gerard rolls his eyes and kisses Frank on the cheek, obviously forgetting a certain person groaning on the rug.

“Sorry Mikes…”

Mikey glares. “You owe me Doom Patrol.”

Gerard shrugs. “Fair enough. Anyway, why do you look like you sold your soul to the devil this morning? Did your experiment go wrong or something?”

Gerard seems genuinely interested, for which Mikey is grateful. Usually, Chemistry is such a boring topic for anyone that’s not him, but Gerard, being his older brother, always asks and cares about it. Gerard always likes the experiments. They give him ideas for new comic book characters with weird chemical makeups and powers. He’s been working on one just for Mikey, so it’s an exchange of sorts: Mikey tells Gerard all about his experiments, and Gerard creates comics for Mikey. It works out well for the both of them. Mikey sighs; he doesn’t want to talk about what happened this morning, but if he doesn’t, it will just eat away at him and _then_ Gerard will really know something is up, and be disappointed in him for not telling him.

“It’s not the experiment, that’s going perfectly,” Mikey begins. “It’s what happened _because_ I like to experiment so much.”

Gerard, it seems, is taking this the wrong way. “Is someone giving you shit Mikey? Because you know that I-“ Mikey cuts him off by shaking his head.

“No, no, it’s not that.” Mikey pauses, thinking how he should word this. Then he realizes he knows nothing about this guy that he now has to spend every day after school with helping him with Chemistry. Jeez. So he asks, “Hey, you guys know Ray Toro, right? He’s in your grade?”

Frank raises an eyebrow. “Well, yea,” he says. “He’s in some of my classes. I don’t know him all to well, though.” He frowns, thinking. “He plays guitar…got the really big hair…pretty decent grades…why?”

Mikey sighs. “I decided to stay in the back of a first period Chemistry class today so I could see what they do in there, you know? Ray was in that class, and apparently he’s failing? So, like, Miss Denise kinda called me out and told me that I have to tutor Ray in Chemistry every day after school until he pulls his grade up.”

“Wait, what?” Gerard looks confused. “Why would she ask a sophomore to tutor _Ray?_ She can’t just tutor him herself?” 

Mikey frowns. “Guess not.”

“Well that’s stupid,” Frank decides. “She should at least get someone his own age to help him out. What are you even planning on doing?”

This is actually a really good question. _What am I going to do, anyway?_ Mikey thinks. He answers with the only thing that comes to mind. “I have no fucking idea.”


	3. The Unwanted Factor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Shit, Mikey, hey, you-you’re not crying, are you?”

The next day, Mikey is heading towards the Chemistry lab at the end of the day with a large coffee in hand. He wasn’t able to sleep the night before, too nervous to shut his mind down. Today is the day he begins tutoring Ray Toro.

When he had arrived early at the classroom this morning, Miss Denise was there, handing him a textbook with sticky notes in some of the pages.

“Look this over.” She had instructed. “This is what we are currently learning in class. Maybe it would also be a good idea for you to stay here for class today, so you can get a feel for the material.” So that’s what he did. In all honestly, he hadn’t had a problem with staying for the class. He had stayed in the back and listened to Miss Denise, following along in the textbook and frantically scribbling notes into his red notebook. He had also gotten a new idea for an experiment and was going to spend the next few nights setting it up and researching the materials he would need.

Now, however, Mikey was not thinking about the experiment. His hands were shaking as he walked in the door of the classroom. Deciding that no one but he and Ray- _Ray Toro, Jesus_ \- would be there, he just slings his bag onto a random desk and sits there, drinking his coffee and texting Pete

[1:47 pm]

        _still can’t believe you gotta tutor that Toro guy_

                 -pwentz

[1:50 pm]

_just pray that I dnt get killed or something_

-mikeyfukinway

[1:51 pm]

_lemme get my Bible_

-pwentz

[1:55 pm]

_ha :)_

-mikeyfukinway

Mikey sighs and checks the time. It’s almost 2; almost time for Ray to get here. Thank God every day will usually be only for an hour and a half, depending on what they’re even doing. _Maybe he decided to skip,_ Mikey thinks. _No one would want to spend time with me anyway, especially if it’s forced._ His hand automatically closes around his wrist, digging into the skin there. He winces, knowing that he probably opened up some of the cuts left over from last time. He almost wants to check, but it’s so close to two that Ray could walk in, and Mikey definitely does _not_ want Ray to see that.

The classroom door bangs open, causing Mikey to jump in his seat and squeak. He turns around and Ray is standing in the doorway, looking, for once, unsure of what to do with himself. Mikey smirks inwardly. Usually he is in this position, but he realizes. He has some power over Ray right now, seeing as it is _him_ who is coming for help and not Mikey.

That must be really embarrassing.

Ray kind of meets his gaze, and looks away again. He opens his mouth and closes it, chewing on his bottom lip. Then he just walks over and sits down at the desk where Mikey is, searches through his bag, pulls out his notebook, and opens it. “She- she gave us homework. But like, I don’t- I don’t really get how to do the equations, so…” He trails off awkwardly.

Mikey inwardly smirks. He loves doing equations. But on the outside, he just looks back at Ray, then motions kind of awkwardly for the notebook. “Can I-?”

“Oh, yea, sure, here.” Ray pushes his notebook over to Mikey. His eyes flicker towards the clock. Mikey turns toward the notebook, hiding his miniscule frown. Of course Ray would be checking the clock. Mikey bets he can’t _wait_ for this torture to be over. Maybe Ray will even start putting in the extra work on his own to pull his grade up so he won’t have to bother with Mikey anymore.

Ray clears his throat awkwardly. Mikey suddenly realized that he has been spacing a little, just kind of staring at the notebook. He shakes himself, saying, “yea, yea right, okay,” and takes a look at what Ray has written down.

He can’t read it. It looks like chicken scratch. “Did-did you copy these from the book?” Ray just furrows his eyebrows, and then-

“My handwriting, huh?”

Mikey feels his face heat up. “I-uh-yea, sorry. C-can I see…? 

A tiny smile appears on Ray’s face. “Yea, of course. All you had to do was ask.” He reaches over and digs through his bag for a bit before pulling out his textbook. He opens it and flips it open, turning pages for a couple seconds. Finally finding what he is looking for, he pushes it towards Mikey. “Here.”

Mikey looks at the equations. He could laugh, they are so easy. But he can’t do that because Ray doesn’t get them and laughing would just make him seem like a dick when Ray already doesn’t want to be here. That just wouldn’t be fair to either of them.

Mikey turns to a clean page of Ray’s notebook, and copies down the equations with embarrassingly-neat-for-a-dude handwriting. He leaves empty spaces under them for the work and corrected versions. Then he turns to the textbook again, trying not to look rehearsed, because he has obviously spent a lot of time perfecting equations for his experiments.

He sees that the book has a specific way of correcting them. He also notices Ray sighing and looking at the clock. He looks at Ray.

Ray turns bright red. “I-don’t think that I don’t want to be here.” He looks confused. “Actually, scratch that. That’s a lie. I _really_ don’t want to be here. This sucks. I’m stuck here after school every fucking day with a _sophomore_ , no less. This fucking _sucks._ ”

Mikey remains quiet. Then he closes the notebook and stands, the chair making an unpleasant sound against the floor. “I-I’m sorry,” he chokes out. He can already feel his face heating up and his eyes growing wet. “I’ll t-tell Miss D-Denise that this was a bad id-idea.” Tears start falling down his face. _This is all my fault,_ he thinks. _Maybe if I weren’t so horrible Ray actually wouldn’t mind me._

Ray’s eyes widen. “Shit, Mikey, hey, you-you’re not crying, are you?” 

Mikey doesn’t answer. He just gets to the door as fast as he can, but Ray beats him to it. He grabs Mikey by the shoulders. “Hey, Mikey, c’mon, I didn’t mean-“ 

Mikey just whimpers. “Let me leave.” He doesn’t want to be here for another second.

Ray can see he doesn’t have a choice. He can’t make Mikey stay here, not after what he said. As Mikey runs away, Ray can’t get Mikey’s little sobs out of his head. They seem to echo in the empty classroom.


	4. The Beginnings of a Silent Reaction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Mikey, you've been crying."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not posting so regularly! Been busy with school and whatnot >_

Mikey can’t believe it. He can’t believe _this._ That Ray would even think to say those things. I mean, he _gets_ that Ray doesn’t want to be stuck after school with him, he really does. But it is also Ray’s fault that this even happened anyway. _Maybe if he wasn’t so bad at Chemistry,_ Mikey thinks bitterly. But then again, Mikey reasons, he probably had it coming. Mikey probably really is that bad.

He had run out of the school so fast, and now he was outside the gates, hands on his knees, gasping for breath. Which was harder than usual because he was also still choking out tears. He longed for his bed, a razor, a cigarette, _something._

He continues walking all the way home like he usually does, slowly, kicking a rock. When he reaches his house, he kicks the rock into the gutter. It falls heavily with a splash, and Mikey is sure his heart would do the same thing. He doesn’t even _like_ Ray, it’s just whenever someone insults him he can’t help but feel the harsh blow.

Words. Swords. Same difference.

He wipes his face and then stops. It’s no use. Gerard will be able to tell he’s been crying anyway. He steels himself for the interrogation, and then swings the door open. He stalls for as long as he can, going into the kitchen and grabbing a Pepsi, and then finally going down into Gerard’s basement.

He walks in and finds Frank lying on the bed, eyes closed, strumming an acoustic guitar, and Gerard at his desk, scribbling away on his sketchbook. Or, at least, it _looks_ like scribbling to Mikey. But when he walks over and peeks behind Gerard’s shoulder, he can see it’s a very detailed drawing of Frank.

Mikey was never one to believe in true love.  He’s always been cynical, especially about himself. But seeing Frank and Gerard almost makes him believe that true love can exist. And he can’t be happier, because even though Mikey may not believe in true love, he thinks that if it exists, Gerard deserves it. And he definitely deserves Frank. They really are perfect for each other.

The warm feeling doesn’t last long though. Gerard turns around after he catches Mikey looking, and he frowns. “Mikey, you’ve been crying.” Frank stops playing guitar and sits up.

“Huh?”

Mikey just turns away and shrugs. His eyes are still stinging under his glasses. “Kinda, yea. But I’m fine now.” He’s really not.

“You’re really not,” Gerard notices, rolling his eyes. But there is worry and concern in there too.

“And anyway, aren’t you supposed to still be at school? I thought you had to help Ray,” Frank looks at him inquisitively. “Well?”

Mikey can’t help it. When he heard Ray’s name his eyes begin to well up again. _Pathetic,_ he reminds himself. _Pathetic_.

He’s snapped out of his own thoughts because Gerard’s eyes suddenly narrow. He looks furious. And his voice shows it. “Ray.”

Mikey squeezes his eyes shut. Frank’s widen. Gerard’s remain narrowed. Mikey opens his again and crashes down onto Gerard’s bed. Gerard and Frank each sit down next to him, one on each side. Frank is the first one to talk. “What did Ray do, Mikes?”

Mikey sighs. “He did a lot of complaining. Kept looking at the clock. And then said that he really doesn’t want to be stuck at the school every day with a fucking _sophomore_.”

Frank’s face twists unhappily. Gerard, however, looks livid. “But you didn’t even _do_ anything! It’s not your fault that he’s stupid! You didn’t do anything to deserve that!”Gerard looks ready to fight. Which is really funny, actually, because in reality, Gerard is a pansy. Frank is probably the one who could fight Ray. That doesn’t mean Mikey actually _wants_ him to though.

Frank just sighs. “Gee, calm down. You know you can’t fight him. And it wouldn’t be a good idea to anyway.”

Gerard makes a face. “Why not?” Mikey facepalms.

“It’s obvious,” he mumbles. “I can’t have people standing up for me, because it’ll just make Ray think I have friends in high places, which is true anyway, but that just makes me look like a dick.” Frank makes an ‘I told you so’ face at Gerard, who rolls eyes. “I know you would be trying to help, but please don’t do anything. I don’t need Ray to hate me more than he probably already does.”

That just sets Gerard off even more. “But Mikey didn’t even do anything!” He whirls around. “Right?!” He demands of Mikey. “You didn’t do anything!” Mikey just shrinks away. He doesn’t like it when Gerard’s mad. It kind of scares him.

Gerard’s shoulders slump. “Well, how about this? You were told that you have to help him, but that doesn’t mean you have to talk to him!” Mikey sits up, eyebrow raised. “So,” Gerard continues “You could ask the teacher for her lesson, and then just write out how you would explain it, and write down tips and whatever. Then, you could just leave it in the classroom where he’s supposed to be before he gets there, and leave!”

 

Frank grins. “Perfect! Whataya think, Mikes?” Mikey finally lets a small smile slip onto his face.

“I could do that,” he agrees. Gerard sits down next to him again and slings an arm around his shoulders.

“He doesn’t even _deserve_ your help, Mikes. You’re too good for him. Mikey sighs and turns to look at his brother. His eyes are shining with pride.

“If you say so, Gee."

 

 


	5. Packets in His Handwriting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Uh, Mikey? You in here?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't been posting! I've been really busy, and really sidetracked, and a lot of homework happened, and my life sucks, and ANYWAYYY here's another chapter! looking back on it this story is pretty lame ._.

The next day, Mikey has a plan. He had gone into his room the night before, and dug out the textbook that Miss Denise had given him. He was to return it to her when he and Ray had gotten through the five chapters that she had annotated for him. She had given him sticky notes that indicated what was to be homework, and other things that she had broken down for him. He had sat at his desk, clearing away his notes for a new experiment, and starting writing down information for Ray. Gerard’s voice rang in his head, a remnant of their conversation downstairs.

_“He doesn’t even deserve that,” Gerard whined from his position on the floor. “You should just let him fail!” Frank and Mikey both shook their heads._

_“I can’t do that,” Mikey sighed. “As much as I don’t like him right now I promised to help him. What kind of an asshole would I be if he didn’t graduate because of one class?”_

 Mikey had a good point. He couldn’t just let Ray fail. In all honesty, Mikey just doesn’t want to give up the amazing textbook and notes from Miss Denise. So even if his reasons are selfish, he’s still helping Ray.

This would all become irrelevant, anyway.

Mikey reads through the section rather quickly, looking at all the sticky notes Miss Denise had left him. He writes everything down neatly, putting it in outline form. What Miss Denise had broken down, he breaks down even more. He continues like this, adding his own list of steps for the chemical equations that might make it easier for Ray to understand.

He stops and looks at the clock. _Just like Ray_ , he thinks. And that’s it.

Mikey abandons the work on his table, gets up, and goes to the bathroom. Locking the door, he turns on the shower, and when it turns hot, he strips and jumps in. The water rains down like molten lava, but Mikey loves taking burning hot showers. It relaxes him almost more than anything else. Almost.

On the little shelf in the shower, right below the soap bar, is a little purple razor that no doubt belongs to his mother. He methodically removes one of the little blades without cutting himself too soon. He drags the blade over his forearm, hissing, as blood starts running from the cut and pouring down the drain, hot water pouring onto the cut. He only does this one cut, and immediately he feels better. Relaxed. The razor does this to him, calming him in the worst way.

He wonders when the razor will stop being enough.

He puts the razor back where it should go, and picks up the bottle of shampoo, squeezing a blob out and massaging it into his brown hair. When he steps back under the spray to rinse his hair, he is careful to not let any suds get into the cut, which has almost stopped bleeding. He picks up the conditioner next (yes, he is a guy, and _yes_ , he conditions his hair), and pours a little into his palm before repeating the process. He washes the rest of himself afterward, making sure to be careful with his arm. It’s stopped bleeding by now.

Getting out of the shower, he shakes his hair our before grabbing a towel from the rack. He dries and dresses quickly, wrapping his arm, doing all this before the mirror unfogs. Before he has to see himself. A sight he hates so much.

o-o-o-o

Ray has no idea what the hell’s going on right now. All day he’s been getting these _looks_ from Gerard and his new boyfriend. And they aren’t nice looks either. Did he do something wrong lately? He doesn’t think so. He hasn’t been a dick to anyone lately, he never really is normally anyway. He wonders about Gerard Way. _Way_. Wasn’t that Mikey’s last-wait.

Mikey.

 _Gerard’s_ Mikey’s older brother. Well, fuck. _Well that certainly explains the looks anyway,_ Ray thinks. He sighs and runs a hand through his hair.

He really didn’t mean to hurt Mikey’s feelings. But Mikey should probably learn to understand where he’s coming from, anyway. No senior, no matter how nice they are, and trust me, Ray is usually really nice to, like, everyone. But he really doesn’t want to be stuck every day after school with a sophomore he barely knows. And it’s really embarrassing because normally it’s the other way around: the senior tutoring the sophomore. This is just- well it’s just awkward and uncomfortable and embarrassing (did he already say that?) in every way, shape, and form.

Ray sighs, and after stopping by the cafeteria for a soda from one of the vending machines and firing off a few quick texts to Cortez, he makes his way back to the science wing where Mikey probably already is, pushing his glasses up, thin fingers paging through the textbook, bent over in an eternally slouched position, reaching for his coffee.

Since when did Ray notice all those things about Mikey anyway?

He gets to the classroom, but no one’s there. Frowning, he pushes the door open and steps inside, looking around. “Uh, Mikey? You in here?”

He walks around the whole classroom, like Mikey is suddenly going to appear behind the burner or the teacher’s desk. He surveys the classroom and decides to wait. He plops himself down in one of the desks in the middle of the classroom and decides to wait for a little while. He’ll wait another few minutes, fifteen at most, before just going home and coming to the conclusion that Mikey won’t want to help him anymore after what he said yesterday.

Kid’s mad sensitive, Jesus.

So he waits. And he waits. All the while playing air guitar, thinking of the riffs in his head, making up new ones, ones he’ll try on his Fender as soon as he gets home. Fifteen minutes comes and goes really quickly while he’s doing this, so he sighs and gets up, grabbing his bag. He’ll try again tomorrow. As he turns to look in the classroom one more time, he notices a tan folder on the first desk. He takes a step and notices a sticky note on it, with _Ray_ written on it in crooked handwriting. Opening it, his eyes widen as he realizes it’s everything he needs for tonight’s homework. Which is good because today Miss Denise might have been speaking fucking _Latin_ , what the fuck. But he’s a little in shock.

Mikey’s still helping him.

 


	6. Breathe, Don't Panic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Mikes?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for posting so late! I've had really bad writers' block, because i essentially forgot where iwas going with this story, but i swear i'll finish it! Also, i've been working on another story, a Frerard, but this pairing is in it too, and it comes first. Seriously, the Frerard doesn't come in until much much later. btu for now, here's another chapter!

This was getting old.

For the past three weeks, Ray had not heard from, or even seen for that matter, Mikey. All he had of him was the packets he left every day in the Chemistry classroom. Ray had been getting out of class, waiting for about twenty minutes in the cafeteria or the library, and then going to the classroom to pick up the pages of Mikey’s awkward scribbles.

And he was tired of it.

Who could blame him? Chemistry was still about as interesting as watching grass grow, but perhaps he had gotten his hopes up a little too high when he figured that in a couple days, Mikey would stop leaving the paper and actually _be_ there, and not his handwriting. Sure, his grades had improved vastly, but Miss Denise still had no idea that Mikey wasn’t actually helping him directly, because she would leave the classroom open and then leave, thinking, that the two boys would need some privacy or something.

But not today.

As soon as Ray gets out of class, he starts toward the classroom, thinking that maybe Mikey would be in there and Ray could finally _talk_ to him, ask him what was so bad that caused the silent treatment. It works. When he gets there he opens the door and can visibly _see_ Mikey flinch, and then freeze. Immediately Ray feels bad, before reminding himself that he should be angry at Mikey for ignoring him, those stupid packets aside. “Mikey.”

Mikey’s eyes clench shut, as do his fists. _Why is he here? Is he just gonna bitch me out? He doesn’t have a right to, this isn’t fair, I’m not-_ his silent panic is cut off by the closing of the door, and it gets worse. His breathing speeds up and gets shallow, his lungs suddenly not getting enough air. But he keeps his back turned from Ray, not wanting him to see what happens when you frighten him.

Ray obviously notices, of course, and he becomes confused. What’s happening? What’s wrong with Mikey? All forms of anger vanish, replaced with alarm as he makes his way over to Mikey, who just seems to get worse the closer he gets. “Mikey? Mikes?” He reaches out and puts his hand on Mikey’s shoulder, who shudders violently.

“What- Ray- no!” Mikey gasps out. He can barely talk, he’s so scared. “I don’t-I can’t- what-why-“ it just keeps escalating, and he can feel his eyes tearing up and spilling over. _No, no no_ , he thinks. _Why is this happening? My inhaler! I need it. God dammit where’d it go?!_

“I-“ Mikey chokes out. “Need- in- in- need p-please!” He points a shaky hand towards his bag, and Ray drops his hand and frantically starts digging through it, through all the little pockets and the mess of papers until he finds a little white inhaler. This must be what Mikey needs.

Ray walks quickly around the side of the desk so he can see Mikey’s face. Immediately, he feels even more horrible. Mikey’s red, chest heaving, eyes clenched shut behind his glasses, while tears stream down his face. Which could just be a side effect of the panic attack he just had, but Ray isn’t too sure about that. Almost nervously, he holds out the inhaler to Mikey. Mikey is quick to snatch it out of his hand and take a deep inhale, then just stands hunched over the desk, breathing deeply. Then he finally stands up straight, takes off his glasses, and rubs at his eyes furiously.

This is the first time Ray has seen Mikey without his glasses. And he’s not entirely sure that he wants Mikey to put them back on.

Mikey has these eyes. These big, hazel eyes. And Ray is also pretty sure that he’s wearing just a little bit of eyeliner. Which wouldn’t really surprise him, come to think of it. He is Gerard’s brother after all. But that just makes Mikey’s eyes a lot more intense than they should be. It’s almost not fair. And it’s making Ray really uncomfortable. But almost in a good way.

And that’s fucking weird. Ray isn’t even sure if he’s gay.

Mikey clears his throat awkwardly, jerking Ray back out of his epiphany. He puts his glasses back on, much to Ray’s dismay. “Um. Thanks. For, you know. That.” He looks around again and moves back a fraction of an inch.

Ray nods numbly. “Yea. No problem. I mean, I wasn’t just gonna let you not breathe.” Damn, when did he get so awkward? He continues. “So, um. Are we really gonna keep up this whole silent help thing? Because even though it works, like. I kinda liked it better when you were explaining it to me yourself. That one time. And I’m really sorry for whatever I did that made you-um-“

“Run out.” Mikey supplies helpfully.

“I-uh-yea.” Ray frowns. It was a pretty big reaction for just one thing, but Mikey’s just a sophomore, and he seems like a pretty sensitive one, so Ray decides to let it go. It’s kinda cute, anyway. “So maybe, you could, stay, today? Because I know you know that we’re doing chemical formulas, and aside from _maybe_ photosynthesis, I really don’t get this. I’m not godo at math either so…”Mikey raises an eyebrow. “Really? What are you in right now?”

“Pre-Calc.”Both of Mikey’s eyebrows shoot up. “But so am i! Don’t tell me you have Mr. Griffith too, man.”Ray smiles.

“What if I did?” Mikey looks at him incredulously.

“Alright, well…maybe if you’re bad at math, I could, you know, help you with that too? I mean, since we have the same teacher and everything. But I would totally get if you wouldn’t want to, if you get enough of me doing Chemistry when I’m not even in the class yet, I’m only in General Science so I totally get that this is weird, and-“ he shut up. That was a lot of talking at one time, Ray realizes. He’s never heard Mikey talk that much. But that’s not a bad thing. It’s actually really endearing, how quietly passionate he is about certain subjects. So he just grins.

“Yea, that’d be awesome, Mikeyway.”


	7. Separate Thought and Desparations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "And you've been spending a lot of time with Ray after school."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So so SO sorry about the long wait! i had a bit of a mental block and i was working on something new and being too excited because MONUMENTOUR and i'm going to a concert and i'm gonna be right THERE in front of the stage and Patrick Stump and Pete Wentz just do things to me. so yea.

“So you’ve been in a good mood lately,” Gerard says, with a knowing smile.

“Shut up,” Mikey mutters, turning red.

“And you’ve been spending a lot of time with Ray after school,” Frank supplies unhelpfully, one arm slung around Gerard’s waist.

“He sucks at math.”

Gerard rolls his eyes. “Yea, me and Frankie already knew that. He’s not in Calculus with us.”

Mikey just rolls his eyes right back. “Yea, well, he’s in Pre-Calc, I’m in Pre-Calc, it just makes sense, okay?”

Frank laughs. “Yea, and he’s in Chemistry, and you’re, um, _not_ in Chemistry. So that’s the thing that doesn’t make any sense. What even happened that made you wanna hang out with him again?”

Mikey just cringes, thinking of his embarrassing panic attack and how Ray got his inhaler for him. It’s a weird memory because Ray had looked at him, and then, just, _kept looking_. Almost like he saw something in Mikey. Which would be really weird, because what would Ray be doing looking at a lame sophomore who self-destructs? Surely he’s not even gay, or bi, and likes girls. Maybe the reason he was looking to intently was because he wanted to make sure Mikey was okay.

That’s totally it. No other reason.

Gerard just watches as Mikey slowly becomes unfocused, staring off into space blankly. He wonders what he’s been thinking about. Lately, Mikey’s been more closed off and not telling Gerard anything. It’s kind of made Gerard sad. Sure, he has Frank, and he loves Frank a lot, but he’s going to be going to college on a few months and he doesn’t want to spend the last few months he has with Mikey not speaking, and not being as close as they used to be.

Gerard feels fingers squeeze at his side, and he tilts his head to meet Frank’s eye. Frank has a sort of sad look on his face, like he knows what’s going on in Gerard’s head. It wouldn’t be surprising. Frank seems to always have a knack for knowing exactly what’s going on in Gerard’s head. It’s one of the many reasons why they’re so close in the first place.

Gerard just lets a small smile break through as he bends down to kiss Frank. He can feel Frank smile against his mouth and he just makes a happy little noise and presses closer.

A throat clears.

Frank and Gerard break apart guiltily and stare across the room at Mikey, who is currently occupying the spinny chair. He gives Gerard that _look_ , the one that says _ew you guys are nasty I did not ask to see my brother making out with someone_. Gerard gives an _I’m sorry_ grimace, and Mikey nods.

Frank just rolls his eyes and flops back down on the bed. He’s totally used to seeing Gerard and Mikey’s conversations rather than hear them. It’s all good.

 

o-o-o-o

 

Of course, just because Mikey _seems_ happier to Gerard, doesn’t mean he actually is. In fact, that night when Mikey goes for his usual shower, he still has one thing in mind made of metal. It’s really just an impulse. He swears he’s getting better, this just…speeds that process up.

It doesn’t really occur to him that this _is_ the problem. He thinks it’s him.

And really, now he can give himself a reason to deserve it. He hasn’t been able to stop thinking about Ray. This is bad. Ray is a senior, for Christ’s sake! He wouldn’t want anything to do with a sophomore in the first place, a damaged one, and he’s going to be leaving in a few months anyway, just like Gerard. That’s what’s been bothering him so much lately.

Mikey’s gone his whole life with Gerard right there. But what’s going to happen to him with Gee leaves? Frank’s not going far, he’s only going to Rutgers, but Gerard is going to be leaving for New York, of all places, to attend SVA. Sure, it’s a big fucking deal, and Mikey was happy for him, but at the same time he was a little sad. He felt abandoned. Mikey used to feel like he could tell Gerard anything. But now, he’s going to be leaving soon, and he doesn’t think it’s fair to Gerard to dump all of his problems on him just so he can leave all scared and worried and reluctant.

It’s better this way. All he has to do now is forget about Ray.

 

o-o-o-o

 

So Ray’s been wondering if something’s wrong with him.

Lately, even outside of school, all he’s been doing is puzzling over Mikey. He hadn’t even known he existed until Miss Denise called him out that day in Chemistry. It seemed lame at the time, I mean, what sophomore willingly hangs out in the back of a senior class just because they find it interesting? Not to mention the little experiments Mikey seems to always do without fail. And they’re _good_ experiments, too. Mikey seems to know what he’s doing even if Ray can’t follow.

Mikey had tried explaining one of them that had something to do with sodium, but Ray hadn’t been able to follow. Mikey had explained that sodium burns in water, which to Ray, was like, what the fuck? Last time he checked, water didn’t burn anything.

Mikey had just told him to sit down, and then walked over to the cabinet where all the chemicals were. Ray really hadn’t been sure about that one. The last time he checked, they weren’t allowed to use the chemicals without a teacher being there.

But that didn’t stop Mikey.

He had come back with a particular bottle, and opened it up. He reached in with tweezers and came back with a chunk of metal. The sodium. He placed in on a paper towel and got a scalpel, and squished and cut it. That had Ray like, what the fuck too. He thought metal was solid and hard, no matter what Miss Denise tried to tell him in class. Metal was metal! But here Mikey was, squishing the metal with a small smile on his face, like he really enjoyed it. He probably did, too.

After squishing the metal enough, Mikey just told him to watch, picked up the blob with the tweezers again, and dropped it into the beaker.

Immediately, smoke started coming from the beaker. The sodium had turned into a little ball and was floating around the top of the beaker, sparking! Ray had leaned over, fascinated, when the sodium let out a particularly loud _snap_ , and sparks flew in the air.

There had been a teeny burning smell, and then Mikey let out a truly girly shriek, and proceeded to hit Ray across the top of the head.

Ray later found out that Mikey had saved his hair from catching fire. And the experiment didn’t seem so stupid anymore. In fact, the way Mikey screamed was absolutely _adorable_.

Shit. Ray was so gone. He was fucked.

 

 


	8. Not How It's Supposed To Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Mikey?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about this wait man, i hit a mental block the size of, like, Canada. And i got into Attack on Titan, so yea. I've been distracted by beautiful people (cough cough LEVI cough EREN cough) killing ugly monsters.  
> Sorry about the lack of dialogue as well, but they both have really complicated mindsets about each other and their lives and i felt like that needed to be defined...so there ya go. Take my pathetic excuses and run with 'em.

It’s like an itch.

A really annoying, really _cute_ itch, that wears a fucking beanie.

It isn’t good, either, Ray isn’t that stupid to get attached to Gerard’s little brother. But for some reason, he looks forward to after school with Mikey more than the actual Chemistry class. Granted, he always hated that class anyway, not knowing _anything_ , and he’s spent more time in class daydreaming than actually paying attention.

And, well, if that’s more so he can spend more time after school as Mikey explains everything he learned in class that he “missed”, well, no one needs to know about that.

It can’t happen, though. Not only is Ray older than Mikey, but he’s leaving. He’ll be going to college in the fall, and so will Gerard and Frank, so Mikey won’t even have anyone left if Ray hurts him. He has _friends_ , obviously, but Ray feels like Mikey’s just too sensitive and withdrawn to share willingly with anyone more than Gerard.

It’s strange, really, how much Ray tries to convince himself that he knows Mikey when in reality, he barely knows anything. To him, Mikey’s just this little, awkward sophomore who happens to be really fucking smart and is prone to panic attacks. He knows that Gerard is his older brother, but in the few times that Ray’s actually talked to Gerard, mainly about music and comics, he could never put a face to a name.

Now, though, he can see it. Gerard and Mikey both have those insane hazel eyes, not that he ever _looked_ at Gerard that way, no way, Frank would fucking beat him into the ground. But once he noticed them on Mikey, he took a look at Gerard, and they’re practically identical. Large, bright, framed by long eyelashes, hell, both of them even wear eyeliner. Ray didn’t even know he had a thing for eyeliner.

It’s also fucking sad. Ray spends all this time considering _Mikey_ , random shit like wondering what kind of music he likes, if he has the same taste as his brother, or something all his own, if he’s good at anything else besides what Ray already knows, but then he tries to force himself to stop, because this isn’t a fucking movie, this is real life, and for all he knows, he’s just some retard senior who can’t pull his grades up for fuck all to Mikey.

 

[][][]

 

Mikey should have realized sooner, really, that he would start to develop a fucking pathetic crush on Ray. He’s endearingly _bad_ at Chemistry, but Mikey thinks that’s okay, because that just means they can spend more time in their little bubble after school, surrounded by formulas and chemicals and atomic mass.

He’s trying, though. He’s really trying to get away from this. He knows he can’t get attached to Ray because as soon as graduation hits, Ray’s leaving, along with Gerard and Frank, his two closest friends. It probably sounds stupid, but thankfully, Gerard and Frank don’t make him feel like a third wheel, which is nice.

It’s a shame; really, because Mikey feels like if Ray wasn’t a senior, and he wasn’t about to fucking _leave_ something could happen. Might actually happen. And work out. But he can’t afford those thoughts. He could distract himself, of course. He thinks that girl in his history class, Alicia has a thing for him, and hey, he _knows_ for a fact that Pete does. But he just isn’t willing to hurt his best friend by using him as a distraction from curly hair and chemicals.

Pete’s been really good about this, actually. Mikey had told him early on that he’s scared of getting too close to Ray because he’d just leave, and Pete told him it was fine, he’s fine, nothing bad would happen. Pete had actually told him to go for it, and if it didn’t work out, he said jokingly, he could always come running into his arms and that’d be just grand.

Pete had also mentioned being careful. He knows all about Mikey, knows what his favorite color is, and that he plays bass for nobody but himself and Pete, if Pete is lucky enough to convince him. He knows about his asthma and his panic attacks, his anxiety and his nightmares, hell, Pete’s _been_ there a few times when Mikey’s woken up, screaming or crying or both.

He doesn’t know about his little silver friend though. He doesn’t need to know, because Pete also knows that Mikey likes to wear hoodies in all kinds of weather, and he likes bracelets, so it’s not like Pete could even find out.

It scares Mikey, sometimes, when he tried to think about going on in life without Pete. He knows that they both plan to go to Rutgers together, but things could change. They’re only sophomores, and they’re young, and pretty damn stupid too, so for all they know, their plans could turn out to be completely worthless in the end.

Mikey hates thinking about that.

He thinks about these things on his own, during his now free study hall, so he usually sits in the school library, in his favorite computer that blocks him from everyone, but that still allows him to see pretty much everyone coming and going.

Right now, he’s just aimlessly flicking through his textbook, having already finished his essay, so he decides, what the hell, let’s go on Facebook. The librarian never walks around, preferring to sit a the desk and sip decaf coffee, and read old magazines that somehow always seem to be about either golf or food, even those girly Cooking Light magazines that his mom pulls out of nowhere when she actually feels like making an effort to cook.

So he signs in, and the first thing he notices is that he has a friend request from Ray.

He turns the brightest red possible, and he feels like there should be some cheesy cliché music playing in the background, like a chick flick, because why would Ray want to be associated with Mikey outside of school? He had actually figured early on that Ray probably made some lame-ass excuse to his friend about why he wasn’t hanging out with them after school, but this is a nice surprise.

He clicks accept.

He goes to Ray’s page, and sees the little box confirming the acceptance of The All Important Friend Request of What The Fuck, as Mikey’s decided to call it. He’s only been on for about a minute, but apparently teachers don’t notice anything, because a comment pops up from Frank.

**Mikeywayyyyyyyyyy, where r u.**

Mikey smiles a little as he types a response.

_Just library._

**Cooool, inform me little Way, how are you so good friend wit my fabulous Toro?**

_Just Chemistry._

Another notification pops up, from, Bert, it says.

Why’s my Toro talking to a pipsqueak?

Mikey’s blood immediately runs cold.

**_Hey, leave the kid alone Bert._** It’s from…Ray. He’s defending Mikey?

Ah, just leave the chemical freak alone, Toro.

Mikey’s had it. He signs out and runs for the bathroom.

 

[][][]

 

After Ray finally gets a bathroom pass, he steps out into the hallway, closes the door, and groans loudly. Leave it to Bert to fuck everything up, really.

 He’s heading to the library to see if Mikey’s okay, because he just signed out, but then hey, his body decides he actually does need to take a piss, so he backtracks a little and pushes the door open.

And freezes.

Ray can’t put this together in his brain. It’s not happening. It’s not. He’s going to use the bathroom and then go see Mikey in the library.

Except he’s not.

Because Mikey’s here.

But-he’s crying. And he’s in front of a sink. And there’s a flash of a shiny something in his hand.

 And there’s a sickeningly bright, shiny, red line curving up Mikey’s pale arm, on top of what seems like _dozens_ of scars.

He can’t breathe.

He tries to say something-but-

He _can’t._

The only thing he can say, in a small, choked up voice-

“Mikey?”


	9. And I Will Try to Fix You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Mikey...shit, Gerard, Mikey cut himself."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE STRESS.  
> I've decided that this fic will probably be coming to a close really soon. Ah! My first full-length fic O_o that's pretty terrifying.  
> I've loved the support i've been getting for this fic, though, so thank you tons!   
> I've definitly got more stuff planned after this, suggestions are of course welcome, enjoy!  
> Comments and kudos are lovely!!

Mikey hates interventions.

_Hates. Interventions._

And, well, he definitely was not prepared to have this one, with a bandage wrapped around his wrist that he didn’t do himself.

Somehow, in his mind, if he had ever pictured this conversation happening, Mikey had imagined having this conversation with just Gerard, perhaps locked away in the dead of night when everything came spilling out.

He didn’t expect it to be like this. With Gerard looking pale and sick, with Frank sat next to him, face drawn, mouth set, arm around Gerard’s shoulders like it was the only thing keeping Gerard upright. He certainly didn’t expect to have _Ray_ sitting next to him holding his hand like he’s afraid that Mikey will slip away to do it again.

It was Ray that took him home, even though first period wasn’t even over yet. He had just walked straight upstairs, banging doors open silently until he found Mikey’s room. He had pulled Mikey along by his wrist-the uninjured one, obviously- and sat him down on the bed. He went straight into the bathroom, and Mikey winced when he heard swearing, followed by the unmistakable sound of his razors being thrown in the garbage. There was rummaging, and Mikey would later find out that anything sharp in the bathroom had been taken away.

Ray had come back out with a bottle of hydrogen peroxide, some cotton balls, and a roll of gauze and medical tape that Mikey had kept away for reasons just like this. He rolled up Mikey’s sleeve carefully, in case he hurt him. He only murmured a quiet warning before soaking a cotton ball in the peroxide and began to clean Mikey’s cut.

Much to Ray’s horror, Mikey had barely even reacted the entire time he cleaned the cut. Like he was _used_ to this, which, Ray figured, of course he was. Ray couldn’t even begin to think why he never realized it. It was a little too obvious. It was nearing spring, and Mikey still only ever wore a black hoodie.

Mikey had begun to tear up, but not because of the pain. It was because even though Ray saw him at his worst, at how low and pathetic he really is, Ray was gentle in cleaning up his cut. Tears began escaping his eyes when Ray held his arm carefully, wrapping the gauze around it. He had clenched his jaw to keep from sobbing when Ray taped the bandage into place, barely pressing in case he hurt Mikey.

When Ray had looked up, Mikey’s eyeliner was all over the place under his glasses, and he looked about an inch away from falling apart. He did the only thing he really realized he could do, something he had actually _wanted_ to do ever since he saw Mikey take that panic attack in their chemistry classroom (Yes, Ray calls it _theirs,_ don’t judge him). He sat next to Mikey on the bed, and pulled him into a hug, his head against Ray’s chest, Ray’s head on Mikey’s chin, just holding him.

Mikey shattered.

He didn’t mean too, really, he didn’t. But Ray pulling him into a hug of his own accord just did something to him, and the next thing he knew, he had fisted his hand around Ray’s shirt and was sobbing into his chest, whispering things like _I’m sorry, you weren’t supposed to know, please, don’t hate me, I hate me, I can’t help it, I’m so sorry,_ and Ray whispering right back. _It’s okay, it’s still going to be okay, I could never hate you, it’s okay,_ and even an _I’m sorry_ of his own.

 

[][][]

And then Ray called Gerard.

Mikey was horrified, but he guessed it made sense. Ray was really quiet on the phone, still holding Mikey, definitely feeling as Mikey froze against him, eyes widening in panic. Gerard hadn’t taken it well. Ray still remembers the conversation. Granted, it had only happened a few hours ago, but it hadn’t been good.

_“Hello?”_

“Gerard? It’s Ray.”

_“Oh, hey Ray, what’s going on?”_

“I’ve got Mikey here with me.”

_“What? Mikey? Is he okay? Can I talk to him?”_

“Yea…Gee, right now I don’t think that’s a good idea.”  
 _“What? Why not?! He’s my baby brother, why can’t I talk to him?”_

“Mikey’s…not exactly in a good mood to talk. To anyone, really.”

Gerard’s voice had turned deadly. _“Tell me what happened to Mikey.”_

“Mikey…shit, Gerard, Mikey cut himself.”

It was probably one of the hardest things Ray ever had to say, because he felt like saying it made it even more real. That and the fact the Mikey had started crying again as soon as he said it kind of broke his heart a little. For a while he heard a deafening silence, and then-

_“What.”_

Ray sighed. “Just-you should come home, Gerard. Talk to him about this. I did what I could.”

_“What, exactly, did you do?”_

“I brought him home, I cleaned up his arm, and I threw out anything he owned that he could use to hurt himself.”

_“Okay, that’s really, really great actually, thanks Ray, yea, I’m gonna grab Frankie and then I’ll be right there. Just...keep doing whatever you’re doing, yea?”_

And since Ray really does love the feeling of Mikey in his arms, he doesn’t like when he says, “No problem.”

 

[][][]

 

Of course, when Gerard comes home, he makes his presence known. Mikey, who has been just sitting quietly, still in Ray’s arms, jumps about a foot in the air when he hears the bang of the door as it opens and when it slams shut. Ray winces. “Maybe I should talk to him first,” he says, and Mikey doesn’t say anything, only nods, so Ray reluctantly pulls his arms away and walks quickly out of the room. Just in time too, because in a second, Gerard is right there, right in his face, demanding to be let in.

“You need to calm down,” Ray says, putting a hand on Gerard’s shoulder, who shakes it off with a snarl.

“I don’t need to do anything, Toro, he’s _my_ baby brother, let me fucking see him!”

Ray still won’t back down. “He’s falling apart in there, Gerard, do you really think he needs someone pissed off at him, especially you?” These words seem to do the trick because Gerard sags, and now he just looked tired and sad.

“Please, Ray,” Gerard begs, voice cracking. “Let me talk to Mikey.”

Gerard is his brother after all, and Ray really can’t keep him away from Mikey, so he just nods, and with a warning look that Gerard takes, steps aside and lets Gerard in.

When Mikey hears the door open and close with a soft _click_ , he can’t help it, tears start pouring out of his eyes again. He can’t look at Gerard, he just can’t. He doesn’t want to see the disappointment in his eyes, and he doesn’t look up as Gerard makes his way over to him and kneels in front of him. His eyes squeeze shut, and the words come out without his permission. “Don’t be disappointed in me,” he sobs. “Please, Gee, I couldn’t take it if you’re mad at me, please, I just-“

“Shh, sh, hey, Mikes, c’mon, look at me,” Gerard whispers quietly. “I could never be disappointed in you, never that, I’m just sad. Why didn’t you say anything?” He cocks his head until Mikey looks at him, cheeks flushed, eyes red and puffy.

“How could I?” Mikey whispers. “You talk about it so much, how wrong it is, how no one should ever do that, I couldn’t tell you. Why would I tell you if it made you look at me differently?” His voice breaks on the last word, and Gerard finally comes up and envelops Mikey in a tight hug, shaking his head.

“You’re my baby brother, I would never do that, Mikes, you know me.”

“But you’re leaving.” Mikey states dully.

Gerard only hugs him tighter. “No distance could ever make me leave you.”

 

[][][]

 

After the whole exchange in the bedroom, they decide to move this into the living room, where Frank and Ray are already silently waiting, trading worried glances.

When Gerard and Mikey come down the stares and into the room, Frank is the first one to cross it, immediately giving Mikey a huge hug, eyes shut tight, promising to make everything okay. It’s kind of stunning, actually, how this is the first time Frank’s gave anyone this much attention that isn’t Gerard, but Mikey just closes his eyes and hugs back, nodding at what Frank says.

They sit on the couches, Frank now supporting Gerard, and Ray sitting with Mikey, holding his hand. No one really seems to want to break the silence but, finally, Gerard starts, directing his words towards Ray.

“Thank you. For taking care of my brother.” Ray only nods looking at Mikey, who still refuses to look anyone in the eye.

Frank is next. “So…I hate to be that guy, but Mikey, have you ever considered, you know, talking to anyone about this? Like…a professional or something.”

Mikey finally raises his gaze to look at Frank. “No.” Ignoring Gerard’s noise of protest, he says, “I don’t think it would help. No one can tell me how to not hate me.”

Gerard looks like Mikey just physically punched him in the face. “I just don’t understand what there is to hate. But I can promise to help, and maybe you could help me understand.”

It’s a good enough compromise that Mikey just nods, and Ray blurts out, “I could help too.”

All eyes snap onto him. It’s kind of weird, and Ray can feel his face turning red, but he keeps talking. “I’ve only been talking to Mikey for a few months, and I know we, ah, didn’t exactly get off to a good start, but Mikey,” He now talks directly to Mikey, who just looks at him with something in his eyes. “I feel like I know you, and I really do want to help. I could show you everything amazing about you, if you’ll give me that chance.”

He doesn’t really realize how that sounds or what he meant by that until he says it, and Gerard looks weirded out, Frank is smirking, but best of all, even through all the tears, Mikey is smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the feels, if any are experienced.


	10. That'll Never Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Usually with this type of thing, you hope someone doesn’t know about it. That they don’t find out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for taking a century and a half! I discovered Tumblr (there goes my social life) and I've been coming up with new ideas for works and UGH my life.  
> Anyway, if you remember in this story, while Pete is Mikey's best friend, he also does have a crush on him, and Mikey was totally okay with it, but didn't return it.  
> Find me on Tumblr! stargirl1314.tumblr.com

Everything’s a little different now.

Ray’s still really only pushing a B- in Chemistry. Mikey still helps him, but they don’t stay in their classroom anymore. Instead, Frank, Gerard, Ray, and Mikey all meet up in the cafeteria after school, and they all take Gerard’s car back to Gerard and Mikey’s house. While Frank and Gerard go down to the basement to do whatever (probably make out), Mikey and Ray go up to Mikey’s room, and they do Chemistry there.

To Mikey, it’s weird seeing Ray in his room every day after school. He can tell that Ray probably feels just as uncomfortable as him, but not for the same reasons, because hello, Mikey’s still only like fifteen, and he has a pretty easy time _not thinking about certain things_ , but when there’s an attractive senior in your bedroom, albeit only for Chemistry, it’s kind of had to _not think about certain things_.

It’s not like it would even happen, given the circumstances. The first thing that will always come up if Mikey ever _does_ think about it is that Ray’s a senior. He’s a senior who happens to be very attractive and very good at guitar, and he could get anyone he wants (even though he really doesn’t seem the type). Second, Ray’s going to college in the fall, so what? Would they have a summer thing before Ray leaves Mikey? Nope.

Third, and this is because of recent events, Ray wouldn’t want Mikey simply because Mikey is broken. Mikey is broken and Ray promised to try to fix him, and Mikey doesn’t really know what Ray means by that. Why would Ray want to like someone who can’t even like themselves? Or would just try his best to fix Mikey (ugh, he hates thinking about that) and then leave once he either succeeds or gets tired? Either way, Mikey isn’t happy with the circumstances.

When they come home, they have a new ritual. They stop to get something to eat or drink in the kitchen, and then they go up to Mikey’s room. Ray usually makes Mikey sit on the bed, and he goes into the bathroom. Mikey always hears rummaging around, and although Ray always only comes back out with the peroxide (or just a washcloth), med tape, and gauze, Mikey knows he’s still looking around for anything Mikey can use to hurt himself with.

Mikey pretty much gave up on trying, because Gerard decided to take it upon himself to check every morning and every night to see if there are new cuts and to check on the ones that are healing. This also means that the check that Ray does is totally unnecessary, but Mikey doesn’t say anything. Because, well, if he likes that Ray is always so gentle when he touches his arm a little too much, he can’t help it.

“So,” Ray says, jolting them out of their comfortable little silence. “How, uh, how are you?”

Mikey just shrugs. “Alright, I guess. Holding up.”

“Yea?”

“Yea.” Mikey parrots. He wants to say something else, but he doesn’t know what, so he just comes up with- “It’s just weird.”

Ray looks up, brows furrowed. “Weird?”

“Weird.” Mikey looks around his room, eyes landing on his laptop, his window, his band posters, his CD collection, anywhere but Ray. “Usually with this type of thing, you hope someone doesn’t know about it. That they don’t find out.”

Ray looks sad. “I know. It’s just. None of us really get it, you know? Why you would do-“ he flaps vaguely in the direction of Mikey’s arm, still hidden in a black hoodie. “-that.”

Mikey looks at him for a bit, pushing his glasses up his nose. “I’m not going to explain it.” He shakes his head. “I can’t even explain it to myself. But you know, and Gerard and Frank know, and Pete knows now too, so I guess sooner or later I’m going to have to talk about it for real. Right now everyone’s main concern is my arm, and how I’m feeling.”

It’s true. After the Intervention of the Living Room, Mikey went right to his phone and called Pete. They normally never call each other, preferring to text, so Pete picked up after only one ring, because he knows it’s something serious.

_“Hey, Pete?”_

**_“Hey, Mikeyway, what’s up? You left school early, you sick or something?”_ **

_“No, nothing like that. I gotta-I gotta talk to you about something.”_

**_“What? That doesn’t sound good, Mikes, you’re makin’ me nervous.”_ **

_“I’m sorry, i-I just-“_

**_“Hey hey, calm down. Are you crying? Should I come over?”_ **

_“No, I-it’s fine. I just really need to get something off my chest.”_

**_“You can tell me anything, you know that Mikey.”_ **

_“Yea.”_

**_“So what’s going on? You’re being really…serious. You don’t sound like yourself.”_ **

_“Ray caught me doing…something really fucked up.”_

**_“What? Mikey, are you doing drugs or something? Because –“_ **

_“No, it’s nothing like that. I-I was-in the bathroom-“_

**_“Hey man, if you’re really having a hard time getting it out it’s okay, you don’t have to-“_ **

_“Pete, I cut myself!”_

**_“…”_ **

_“Pete?”_

**_“…Oh, Mikey…”_ **

_“Do you hate me?”_

**_“You’re my best friend Mikey, I love you. That’ll never change.”_ **

_“I just…I couldn’t help it. I was on Facebook and I went to Ray’s page because he sent me a friend request and then one of his friends told-told him to l-leave the- the chemical freak alone.”_

**_“You’re not a freak.”_ **

_“But sometimes it really does feel like it.”_

**_“I would prove to you how awesome you are, Mikeyway. But I feel like…that’s Ray’s job now?”_ **

_“I guess.”_

**_“…He won’t replace me…right?”_ **

_“You’re my best friend, Pete, I love you. That’ll never change.”_

****

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep in mind that the way Pete and Mikey talk is purely being best friends and being extremely close, but whether Pete really means it when he says 'I love you' to Mikey is up to you. Mikey says it back in a friend kind of way :3  
> Also, sorry if this chapter is kind of short >_o


End file.
